Baggage Clam -S2E1 - Asking for a life raft

[00:00:00] If they're singing Sweet Caroline, you tell me because I'm not coming. Alright, thank you. I'm not doing it. Or Jessie's girl. Wrong crowd. Wrong crowd for me.

[00:00:27] Hey listeners, welcome to Baggage Claim. I'm one of your hosts, Lauren. And I'm the other host, Ryan. And as you know on this podcast, we're here to talk about the bags, the baggage, the garbage bags. Pick some stuff to keep, pick some stuff to throw away, and roll with it. So, it's February. If you're in love, happy Valentine's Day. Save your money. Happy Valentine's Day.

[00:00:54] But save your money. I love that you bust out in song and you have the chops to do it. It feels inspiring. I don't have the gift of song, but I've got the gift of the gab. And I'm gonna stick with it. I love that. I think that's, yeah, we should honor our gifts and take them as far as we can go. Oh, thank you. So, this is an audio episode. You aren't going to be seeing our beautiful faces, but... So, a lot of new changes have happened.

[00:01:22] A lot of new changes. We were just talking about my changes in life, like what I have to do in the next upcoming months, which some things I like to keep to myself, but I feel like when they happen, of course, listeners, I will update you, but there will be some changes, changes in location. And we were talking about, before we started recording, just the... Well, one, just kind of how hard things are right now.

[00:01:51] And that's a good bag that I'm carrying is what it feels like. It feels like a backpack that is as heavy as a parachute and it's called surviving. I don't know if I'm living. I'm surviving right now. I hear you. And I can now imagine that a parachute is quite heavy because I've never worn one before, but I feel like I know exactly what you're talking about. Right. Just cutting into my shoulders. Yes.

[00:02:19] These expensive... Like, it's... It feels intentional. Yes. And I feel like all the weird distractions from, like, a political standpoint. Mm-hmm. The doge. The doge boys. Oh, my God. The children. Yes. The children that are getting their hands on all of our information. And it feels like... Wasn't there, like, a... A character where it was, like, a man who had, like, children do his bidding?

[00:02:46] I feel like that is, like, a nursery rhyme character that we've been warned about since we were... We won. Right? I mean, it feels like... Even though I loved Varys, so I'm not gonna put this as, like, true, but Varys from Game of Thrones, what would they call his little birds? Is that what he would call them? Oh, yeah. He had all this little bird. Yeah. But he was great. Oh, my God. And he bought Twitter. All this little bird. Oh, gosh.

[00:03:16] And then... Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, so he named Twitter X. Did you know that his first banking, like, online banking thing was named X? He's so... He's like a revival. He's not an original human being. He's never done anything original in his entire loser life. Not even his plastic surgery. Right. Not even his gender-affirming care. And listen, I love a good plastic. I love a good nip and tuck, but not from him because it didn't work.

[00:03:45] It didn't work. All that work done, and you still look like Gollum. And that... That's unfortunate. A more masculine, jaw-heavy Gollum. Like, did the one just flicker? I didn't see the light flicker, no. I feel like mine did. It got, like, super bright in there. Yes. So, because of that man, ugly face, that guy in Michael Zuzsa... I'm talking about...

[00:04:13] Oh, I think it's Marcus Zelensky or something. He came up with, like... I can't believe President Zelensky. He came up with, like, that Facebook app. He's a nobody. Oh, Mark Zuckerberg? Oh, I didn't know his name because he's not important and he's not attractive. Zuzsa the Cuh? Right. So, I don't know. I think that's what his name is. He also has contributed to our censoring and lack of information, which is frustrating. That's who they are.

[00:04:41] And we're paying for them being assholes and not cute. Right? Because sometimes you could do both. You know, sometimes you get a win. Sometimes you're like, oh, you're an asshole, but you're hot. Yeah. You know? They didn't get that. And even with all the money in the world, no one, if they didn't know who they were, if they weren't the names, the brands that they've created themselves to be, who would f*** them?

[00:05:11] Think about it. I don't think it's even the brands. I just think it's the bills. The dollar dollar bills. Like, they have money. Well, that's what I mean by the brand. If they didn't have that. The only reason we know who they are is because of what they stole from other people. Yeah. Well, and I think what I was trying to get to is, like, this whole, all the attention on these guys and what's happening and how they're ransacking, like, all of our information. Like, honestly. I don't give a damn. It's been an oligarchy.

[00:05:40] Well, yeah, that part. They already have our information, but it's an oligarchy. Like, they have access to everything and anything that they want to any time. They're just being loud about it. Why? To distract. You were talking about how they started censoring stuff from AI. Yeah. Like. We're, this episode, series, really, a short series, within a series, called Season 2. We were talking about the different cases and, of course, trying to get information. No, we didn't use only AI. I like to use real resources.

[00:06:10] Thank you. They will be on the episode. No, please. Episode. I would try to get information and then it would have, it was, it was smart. It gave me the information that I wanted. And then it almost, like, back, like, it backtracked when I asked for the next case. It said, like, this information is something or, like, not appropriate. And maybe it's based due on the, like, arena of the crime.

[00:06:38] You know, it's a very uncomfortable topic. But it shocked me because then it erased the information and gave me, like, two local news links. Yeah. Yeah. So, I, AI's pretty smart. I just watched the movie The Creator and I'm kind of like, okay. You know, if it happens, it happens. Okay. I, I didn't ask for this. AI, if you're listening, I didn't ask for this. That's right. I, I don't know you, respectfully. I don't have interest in getting to know you. I don't know.

[00:07:07] I mean, I'm here or there, you know. But I just feel like if you remember me, my name is Lauren and I mean no harm. I, I, I mean no harm. That's all I can say. I agree with that. Even though I'm not interested necessarily in getting to know you. Right. Because I don't know who is behind you and taking the information without your consent. Right. That we would share together. I, uh... Right. I have no ill will towards you. Exactly. I didn't ask for you. And I, and I'm not necessarily saying I'm not happy you're here.

[00:07:37] It's just, it's indifference. Honestly, I'm scared. Well, and so meanwhile, all this stuff's going on and, and we're just trying to like live our life and we're noticing these weird things that are happening that aren't being talked about. And we're definitely seeing other things that are being talked about. And at the same time, we're like, God, I'm just exhausted. I'm exhausted. Totally. Mentally, physically, emotionally.

[00:08:00] My whole, my whole aura, it feels like a different color of like, it used to give a blue, a purple, you know? Yeah. Right now, it's not a color, it's a fog. And the fog is exhaustion because I feel like I'm just trying to survive. Like I did the steps, you guys, like we talked about it.

[00:08:26] That this is what you need to do to be a functioning, happy adult and able to live. You go to school, you get your grades, you go to college, you graduate college, you get a job, and then you're supposed to be able to meet your partner, buy a home, live. And save. And save. And travel. Right. Right. And enjoy your life. Right. You know, like family trips, you know, summer, summer vacation.

[00:08:55] We're going to, you know. Pay for college for the kids. It doesn't feel like that is a, in the current state, in this current empire that we're in. It feels almost like that's a pipe dream. Yeah. And it feels heavy. Like I, my changes is I literally had to swallow pride. And it was pride because I thought I'm doing these things like I'm supposed to.

[00:09:23] And I'm managing it on my own. Right. Like, as you all know, in season one, we talked about the grief journey because I feel like both of my parents have passed away. The, they're on the other side and it's me. And I feel like I'm taking care of myself. I'm not married anymore. Things have changed. And it feels like for me, I'm doing everything on my own and I'm literally, I'm bare, I'm

[00:09:53] treading water. Okay. I'm barely keeping up. And I literally had to swallow my pride and literally ask for a life jacket, like a raft. And thankfully someone near and dear to me was able to like throw one for me. And it's the only reason that I kind of feel like I can do a tiny side. Yeah. Like a little side, really. Exactly. A huge side. Yeah.

[00:10:20] Weight lifted and see me on the other end of that spectrum. What's your end of the spectrum? So I started off doing everything right. At least I tried. And then I just kind of like stopped caring because I switched from, I was in a magnet school as an elementary. So I was learning all the things I had a passion and a thirst for learning, you know? And I was in math and science, which I really wanted to go to performing arts, but they convinced

[00:10:49] me that it'd be better for the program and for myself to decide I was adept at math and science, that I should go into that. And with more girls and then it gets more funding, whatever. So I went with it and I, you know, I liked it. I enjoyed it. And then I moved from that magnet school to a regular public school in Texas. Wait, can we pause? Can you explain a magnet school to me? Oh, sure. So a magnet school is like a regular elementary school. But then once you get to, at the end of third grade, you choose which section you want to focus on.

[00:11:18] So we had math and science, performing arts, language arts, and what was it? It was basically government. Okay. I don't remember if they called it government. Civic something, right? Yeah. I don't, there was a name for it and I don't remember what it was, but maybe it was social arts. It was something like that, but it was, it was government type stuff, like how to lead and organize and that type of stuff. Which now as someone who is a community organizer on the side, why didn't I do that? But, um. Because their timing was now.

[00:11:47] And I was young and I just went with what I liked or I went with what I told I should do. What people told you. Yeah. And I mean, I loved Bill Nye, the science guy. Like I was into it, but I was going to be famous one day. Right. Which I definitely don't want to. I definitely don't see that. Really? So incredible. You definitely have that. You'd be like an amazing person to interview, like sitting across on the couch. You know what I mean? Like a late night, you know? Oh, you're so flattering. You give that vibe. You give it. Thank you. You're so welcome.

[00:12:17] Hey, let's let this podcast blow up and maybe that can happen. That's right. Listeners, remember that. Tell people about it. Okay. So, but then I moved to Texas to go to like a regular school. My mom met a guy online because it was just at the beginning of people like getting there. She's in a single parents group chat. Anyways, we, he comes on visits. Well, I go over there. We move here and I get into school and the things that they're teaching me in the seventh grade. You already know? Yeah.

[00:12:47] I learned it in the fourth, fifth and sixth grade. So I was bored. Mm-hmm. And then I missed whatever. I stopped paying attention and I was kind of like over it. And I was more worried about like fitting in. Mm-hmm. And yeah, you know, different things about religion was coming into my view and different. Like I just didn't know where I fit. Yeah. I lost everyone that I grew up with. So yeah, it's just a huge change. Sleeping like what? 12, 13, you're going through puberty. Oh my God. It was crazy. Literally. Literally. So, but anyways, we started learning stuff that I didn't know and I missed that.

[00:13:18] And so then I just kind of fell behind because I like, I mean, I got it, but I didn't like, right. I missed like the key steps and I didn't know how to go back and find out what it was. But then in other places, like going into high school, now I'm learning about biology and I learned this again in the fourth, fifth, and sixth grade. Mm-hmm. So I'm not having to do any homework and I'm still getting 100% on every single test. Yeah. And I know all the answers. I'm engaged in class and I have my hands always up because I was that obnoxious girl. Mm-hmm. Ryan, we've heard enough. Let someone else have a chance, but they don't know what I do. So let me talk. Oh.

[00:13:50] And so then they try to put me in like honors chemistry, which is basically like read this textbook and then you know it. And that's not how I learned. Right. So I failed that. And I just was like, well, it goes my perfect grades. And then, you know, I really, when I was in high school, I focused on theater because that's what I wanted and I loved it and I was going to go for it. Yeah. And then, sorry, trigger warning, but SA happened and then I didn't want to be seen anymore. And that part of me like died a bit. Like I said. Oh, you didn't know. Yeah. Well, I was 18. Yeah. Still a baby.

[00:14:20] What do you think about it now? I'm not going to say that I was a good girl because that makes it sound like girls who have sex before they're 18 are bad girls in a bad way. And that's not it at all. But I was like saving myself for love, not for marriage, but for real love. And so it really just kind of like crushed me in a way. And it just flipped your wings a little bit. Yes. And I was looking around at my cousins who were going to college and they weren't able to find jobs. And they were getting into all this debt.

[00:14:50] And the only thing I wanted to do was theater before that. And then I didn't want to be seen. It's like, well, maybe theater. Like I'll do like, like the prosthetics, advanced prosthetics. And I was going to go to Joe Blasco, which was like the personal makeup artist from Carol Burnett. Okay. For like 11 plus years. And like the founder of like all these techniques for like horror movie, like prosthetics and things. And my college fund was from my Jehovah's Witness under the family. And I did not serve the kingdom of Jehovah, nor was the school accredited.

[00:15:18] So they used that money to buy a house for my grandmother, who is not my biological grandmother, but her daughter got a divorce and her and her kid were on the street. So they bought a house for them instead of paying for my college. And I wasn't going to like, this wasn't, I just wasn't going to do it. Like I tried doing like some community college and like the one class I was even interested in, the teacher was always sick. And then when they were coming back from being sick, I was sick. And then it was by, so I just missed every class.

[00:15:48] There was no one to teach the class and all classes canceled. And so I was, it wasn't there. And by the time I was like, I had got to pull out of college. It was too late. It was past that drop mark. So I had all these fails. And the whole thing with my grandparents was you had to keep a, I don't remember if it was a GPA of a high B or an A for them to continue to pay for my college education. But because these things happened, they didn't want to hear why it happened. You just failed, you're done. Cut off. Right.

[00:16:16] And I just didn't see the point of getting into debt to get a job that I still wouldn't be able to pay that debt off with, you know? And so I didn't do that. And I was a waitress. An actress. Yes. But I didn't really have very many, I didn't have any paid gigs. I got paid in costumes. Still though. I mean, sometimes I do feel like it's almost like the hindsight that you see, but it's also like experiences.

[00:16:45] Like you can say like, yes, I was waitress, but you were definitely an actress at the same time. I did go into every shift in the role of Ryan the waitress. You know? Like that's the only way I can get through it. Wait, have you seen Waitress in musical? No. Oh my God. I pull it away from you. I cry every time I watch a musical, not because it's necessarily a sad musical, but because God damn it, I was supposed to be doing that with my life. You're weak.

[00:17:12] Wait, so you haven't heard She Used to Be Mine? Maybe not. Like I've been staying away from it because it's so like, that's what I wanted to do is musical. Musicals was my thing. That's what I wanted to do. And so I watch it and I enjoy it, but then I just finance. Well, we know life. Yeah. The fog. Having kids. Like you're saying how hard it is on your own. I'm married. There are two incomes in this house. I mean, granted, they're not like $80,000 jobs, but they're, you know, like he's a lift

[00:17:38] driver right now because fuck working for a company that doesn't care and we need flexibility and we homeschool. And like we knew we were taking a financial hit going with a homeschooling would have just felt like the right choice for our family. Mm-hmm. But so I'm a waitress and I work in one of the wealthiest cities in Texas, if not the wealthiest city in Texas. And people don't tip and the flus are going around that they're not reporting about or schools are shutting down all across the United States. Because my son has pneumonia right now. Like the flu is so bad. So bad. Yeah.

[00:18:08] And like where I work, they'd like let people, let the little person come in with 100 degree temperature after missing five days because they had 102 to 104 degree temperature. And then he got people sick there. And I was like, no, I'm not coming in. Mm-hmm. I'm just not. My lymph nodes were all swollen up. I was doing everything I could to prevent myself from getting the flu because I couldn't miss the next five days of work. Yeah. Because we're that tight financially. And I mean, thankfully last night was amazing. And I made over $200 as the first time. And like a month that I've made that much money.

[00:18:36] But the other three nights that I worked this week, it was under 100, two of them under 50. Oh my God. You know, and I was still working. I still had, you know, plenty of tables to have made more money. So it's just, it's frustrating because like what I was getting to before we got down this rabbit hole about me and I'm so glad I want you to know me. But with all this shit going on, it's just like, look over here and also be too poor. Be too exhausted. Be too tired. Yeah. Be too run down.

[00:19:05] Be too just like, I'm taking all your spoons. And like all the, all the ways of saying it, like it just, if, if they can't scare us or distract us, we're going to wear you out to where you can't pay attention. And we're going to continue to push harder and harder to where maybe you can eventually also be so worn out that you can't pay attention. Right. You still are. Right. And today I was out in the cold and the rain. I mean, it wasn't raining. It was just very humid. Oh my gosh.

[00:19:35] 50 degrees has never felt like below freezing. Yeah. And there weren't tons of people coming out because the weather. But last weekend there were 3000 people marching in our city for immigrant rights. Like they don't like that we're still fighting back. And so they're just going to make conditions harder and harder. And you were saying that like, you had to swallow your pride. I had to swallow my pride and I had to like ask for help. And that's hard. It is. It's hard. And, and part of me feels like it's a me thing.

[00:20:05] Like I have this, I talk about it. It's like what I'm working with in therapy. Right. Which is my universal lie that I tell myself, which is always you're a burden. You don't want to, you're, you, you're a burden. You don't, don't bring your burden to other people. Like you, it's too much. Right. Yeah. And I think part of that was, I think a little bit of the J-dub growing up. Right. Maybe a lot.

[00:20:32] But another part of it was like, I think seeing my mom and my stepdad on occasion be overwhelmed with what I now know as an adult with life, like just dealing with things. But I, you know, when you're a child, you don't quite know how to recommend that with what you're experiencing. And so it turned, for me, I turned it internal. Like it's me causing them stress.

[00:21:01] Like I just need to be like the best I can be. Like I don't, I need to just do, I need to be obedient. I need to do what I'm told. I just need to not make waves. Yeah. Because I'm causing stress when really in reality, it's life. And so, but that always sticks with me. And so I, I'm fortunately, I kind of lead with that. And so it's almost, it's to a fault and it leads me to not really advocate for myself.

[00:21:27] So I'll be suffering because I think in my mind that I'm going to be a burden on someone else by like sharing either that I'm going through a hard time or, or I, I need help like that it's pride, but it's also this, this little lie that always comes in. That's like, it's too much. They're already going through it. Like you'll just be a lot on them. Right. And wasn't I just talking about that with my mom? Yeah. Just early before we started this. Yeah.

[00:21:56] This is a shared experience right here. Yeah. This is a shared self-inflicted, well, not even self-inflicted, but like inward turns. Like we took the spear and we put it on ourselves. Yeah. And it sticks with you for a long time. And, and so, I mean, I didn't even want to do it. I didn't want to have to like call and be like, honestly, like I need your help. Like everything's so expensive. I kind of feel like I'm drowning. Yeah. But then we're not an adult. Like we feel like we're not being a successful adult by asking for help. Like we're in our 30s. Like what?

[00:22:26] Yeah. But, and the craziest part is I think about the age that my mom was, which is like, and how, how old I am now. And also seeing her stress. And I recognize it so much more now that it was like, you're not even being like, you're not a burden. You're not a distraction. You're not even like, you're, you're just there. Like they're still experiencing life while they're being like apparent to you. Right.

[00:22:52] But you kind of carry it and it's hard to be like, and this could also be kind of like an American way of thinking, but like at what cost, right? Like, what is this going to like, it's tip for tech, right? Like, so if I'm going to ask, like, are they going to want something from me? Like in return, you know? Strings. Strings. But this time I actually didn't care about the strings and if there were strings. And thankfully I kind of like really stepped out on my gut feeling and remembering that,

[00:23:22] that the people in your lives, in your life or in your life for a reason. And that sometimes people are just unaware of what you're actually going through. Yeah. And so I had to like swallow it and I just asked. And I, she said, of course, like, like it was nothing. And I was so happy that I did, but that took me, it was hard. Yeah. Well, and luckily you had the right person. Yeah. Because there's not always any kind of.

[00:23:48] I think about it a year ago and I had a family member that lived here and I was like, Hey, I'm switching apartments. And I was like, can I just like maybe like rent your room for like two months? And he was like, Oh, I don't know. Oh, I've been to this house. It's big. He lives alone. I was married. Let's see. And so that was a person like me kind of putting myself out there and it kind of being smashed. Yeah. But I also feel like that is just that person. And I just, I really just wanted and needed help. So I had to ask.

[00:24:17] So I asked someone else. Well, for sure. I mean, when we first moved back to Texas after the pandemic, we were on the Oxford Homestead. We had to like move into an extended stay. And it was so expensive, but we knew we were able to cover it. So we knew we could cover rent because rent for an apartment is less than an extended stay. Really? Yes. Oh, because it's by the week. Mm-hmm. And a week is like a month's rent, right? We're paying like $1,700 for a studio apartment basically. Literally.

[00:24:47] And we pay $1,630 for our two-bedroom, two-bath right now. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. This is a studio with a kitchenette. Literally. Literally. And in a hotel where like constantly the fire alarms were going off every night because people smoke weed or whatever. You know what I mean? So we, you know, like asked, like we're trying to find jobs and stuff. You have to have an address. Mm-hmm. And we were like, hey mom, can we just like put down your address?

[00:25:15] Like we're trying to get jobs and then we'll switch it once we get a place. Mm-hmm. And her husband, who happens to be my husband's age, was very uncomfortable with that. He's six days older than my husband. My mom married young. I married old. How old's your husband? He'll be 43 this year, I think. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And I'll be turning 36. Okay. It's an eight-year difference. That's not fun at all. No. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe I did the math for him. Maybe he's turning 44. I don't know. He's my 50-year-old husband. No.

[00:25:44] But anyways, he was born in 81 and I was born in 89. And yeah, so my mom's only 20 years older than me. So she married down 12 years and I had married up eight years. And luckily, my father-in-law is six days older than my husband because he was six days younger. Yeah. Make it even worse. But anyways, he was very uncomfortable and he was just like, well, then they can like claim that they live here and they could move in and we wouldn't have any legal rights unless he doesn't really know us. You know what I mean?

[00:26:14] Mm-hmm. And I can only imagine what he thinks about us. Him being my husband's age and us being as poor off as we are. But- And him being able to buy a house. Yeah. And, you know, whatever else. And we don't know what he thinks about us. And it's hard because we try and we extend and put ourselves out there and there's no response. Mm-hmm. And like, I think it's just, you know, we're just different people. Mm-hmm. And I don't, I don't know.

[00:26:44] But he's one of those tech guys. And like, he bought a bunch of, what was it called? Bitcoin. Mm-hmm. When it first started. But he cashed out when it was really high. Mm-hmm. And he was amazing. He paid for the rest of my, like, debt for going to massage therapy school that I didn't get the finish because I got pregnant. Mm-hmm. And I was too sick to do anything. But anyways. That's your stepdad? Yeah. And he's a great guy. Yeah. It's just we don't connect. And there's like weird things that people, you know, his family betrayed him. Mm-hmm. So it doesn't link trust very easily.

[00:27:13] And anyways, I brought this up for a reason. Oh, so yeah. So we reached out just to even get an address. Mm-hmm. And we were denied that. And so it just felt like very lack of support. But that's when we learned that you can use the hotel that you're living out of as your address. Yeah. I didn't know that. And, you know, it just wasn't education because we were, I mean, basically homeless. Getting by. Like, literally. Homeless but not on the streets. Mm-hmm. And there's so many people that are having to deal with that right now. Yeah.

[00:27:40] People are, that's the silent homelessness that people, I don't think, recognize or see. Like, people don't see it as homelessness, but it is. Like, it is the, you're paying for shelter, but it is, you have to have like a certain amount just to get by. Yeah. And it's not yours. It's never equity. I don't even feel like they want people to own things anymore. So. No. The owners need to own it and we must rent everything including the air we free. Mm-hmm. Like. That's where we're headed. Like, there's a little non-reference.

[00:28:10] Um, but yeah, I, I think that just the struggle and admitting. Mm-hmm. That like. It's a struggle. Yeah. And, you know, if, I get it, you're a college graduate. Mm-hmm. You got smarts, you got degrees, you can get high paying jobs. And what did that do from? And you're struggling. Literally. And me feeling like, oh, I didn't go to college. And how, like, I told myself it was because of the money, but was it because of really, was it really because of that?

[00:28:38] I mean, it was, but like, you know, like people don't necessarily care and they would think that's a stupid choice. So regardless, I'm still being worked at school and I didn't do all the things right. And I'm struggling. We're all just struggling. We're all struggling. So it's not like a personal failure on my end. At all. Personal failure on your end. Mm-hmm. It's a systemic failure. And, you know. It sucks. Because I think we're all feeling it. I think you like, you did it like you were supposed to. And I, you kind of have such an actor spirit that you've got to just find a way to just do it.

[00:29:07] Maybe it's this podcast, but it's really a gift. And. Oh, thank you. But it feels like, like, I feel like, what did I, what did I, I've been paying. Thankfully, I had some of my college paid for, but like not all of my college. So I've been paying student loans since like, what, like 2011? Mm-hmm. So it's like, I'm thinking about it. I mean, I know that the benefits, but, but I even look at it. I kept changing my major.

[00:29:33] Like, I honestly wish I would have done like the two year pause before going to college. Cause I kept changing my major. But I think that what we're feeling right now does resonate with a lot of people. And that's feeling like, it feels like it's never enough it, or it wasn't enough to be thriving. Yeah. And for the people that are, I'm super, super happy for you. Especially if you did it, you know, coming out of the trenches.

[00:29:59] And I guess if you had it generational, I guess, bless you too. But like, that's not my story. And I don't think that's a lot of people's story. It's not most people's stories. It's enough people's stories for it to be normalized. And we see movies and that help normalizes it too. And it's like, yeah, that's how it should be. But like, realistically, it's not a bad thing that you're blessed. It's just a bad thing that the people who are blessed more than you are only blessed as much as they are because of the thievery and the connivory and all the things they

[00:30:29] did to the rest of us. It doesn't make it your fault because you're born into it, but you have a different experience. And I'm happy you're blessed. I just wish the rest of us were because there's no such thing as a billionaire that is a good person. At all. Not even Taylor Swift. Sorry, Swifties. Come for me. But it's true. Same for Beyonce. You all know I'm in the hive. And I can say that honestly. And you know what? Side note.

[00:30:58] Beyonce, you probably may not hear this, but I knew you were going to pull this. OK, I knew that these concert tickets were coming and I figured, you know what? She probably would do Black History Month. Far for the course. Right. Tickets go on sale next week. But I also know that none of us. I'm in the hive. I get my tickets early. OK, early access. I already know that I'm going to have to put my feet on that feet app just to pay for

[00:31:28] these concert tickets. You're not even coming to Dallas. It's only Houston. And you can give us until March. You wouldn't even let people get their tax returns before they get these tickets when on sale. Classist. I'm not saying you're a monster. You are Beyonce. But you are a classist. And baby, you're not. I don't think you've lived with the regular folks since Writings on the Wall. And that was in 1996. And I loved Writings on the Wall. They're so good.

[00:31:56] And so if you could, before these tickets release, just remember the working class. We're buying your albums. We're the ones. So if the tickets could not be super ridiculous, that would be amazing because I'm going to be there. I've never missed a tour. I don't plan on starting now. Thank you. Okay, we'll go to an ad really quick. Thanks. Yeah.

[00:32:25] Dang. No, man. It made me like watching. There is a point in time. I remember it where like Oprah just kind of like shifted in my mind's eye. You know, like I loved Oprah. My mom watched Oprah every day. I watched in elementary school and junior year. My friend and I sent her invitations to our high school graduation. Yeah. Like we loved Oprah. Yeah.

[00:32:52] And there was just this moment where I was listening to how people were talking about Oprah and her book club. And I was just like, no. No, this is this is something else. This is a cult. I think it was when she like switched and she like maybe it was before the O magazine. But it just was it was there was something that was like this is a cult. It's a cult following at this point. And I get it because I want a car and I want a car and I want a car. You know what I mean?

[00:33:21] Like, hello. It switched like being something that felt charitable and very much like engaging to a little nefarious to a little exploitative. That's what it felt like. Yeah. And I feel like that's what's happening every it's everywhere so much. And I get it. I mean, the streaming and, you know, how much money but how much money do you really need? Or are you in it for the art? Are you in it because you're doing it?

[00:33:50] I mean, like once you've crossed the stage of billionaire, why would you then continue to charge like three hundred dollars per day? Yeah. There's no reason for you live and long enough to spend that money. You just won't. Yeah. And I know that it's yours and being you have earned it. You are the goat. Like, please be the goat on our budget. Like as a fan, I'm just asking for just a little bit of reprieve.

[00:34:18] Because I what's crazy, too, is I felt I used to be like, oh, my God, this is mother. But like there's such a disconnect now. Like now I just it's it's the music. But like it's not if she can't be the icon for me because I don't think she sees me. And that's OK. That's OK. She's still going to be my goat. She's still going to be like, I mean, Renaissance life changing. My God. Stop the world. Amazing. Can't wait for part three.

[00:34:45] But there's no way that I think in good conscience that like, you know, like at this stage. Yeah. Well, and then I just I feel it's just for the money, like the whole stunt, the concert at the Democratic National Party. How much does she get paid for that? Was three million or something like that for the hour? That was fundraised to help. The people. A mama. That made me want to drop. I'm not a little bit girl. I'm not a lot. Drew. Drew.

[00:35:14] Drew, Drew, Drew. Of all the things. She literally was so sincere with it. She took her hand and she said, we need a mama. Barrymore? Yes. It was on the show. I didn't watch the show because she fucking broke the writer's strike. She's a scab. Drew Barrymore is a scab. I know. I just watched the clip. OK, when I once had, you know, TikTok. On a device. But it was taken from me. Of course it was. See you there. So it feels like this.

[00:35:44] This is maybe the baggage for this week is. You guys, it's a fog. And this suffering pot like poverty, feeling like you're living paycheck to paycheck, just like trying to survive. This was manmade. It is absolutely intentional. And even if you feel like they don't have the fight in you. And even if you feel like this is too much, I've already done enough.

[00:36:12] I'm speaking directly to my 92 percent babies. Ladies. It is us. We're not a burden. I know we are so tired of being in the game. I know we're kind of tired of putting our bodies in it. OK, so you've got to rest is important and you've got to take the rest that you need.

[00:36:34] But just remember in the back of the mind and hopefully it moves to the front that as much as we want to not be out of it, we can't be out of it. We got to be in it. That means taking care of you, drinking your water, getting your sleep. Yeah. A big part of taking care of you. Real self-care is community care and being there, connecting with the community.

[00:36:57] Because although my cheeks are still feeling frozen from today's action that I showed up at, I made connections with the community and they were happy to see me there. They're happy to see everybody there. And, you know, we just made another another friend, you know. I heard something or I read something really powerful that I wanted to share before we close out. Yeah. We were told growing up, this is just how it is.

[00:37:27] This is the way things are and you have to survive it. When what we needed to hear and what would have been so revolutionary for us as a generation to hear is it doesn't have to be this way. Yeah. And it doesn't. So while you're struggling, know you're not alone. Yeah. I know we have our line that we're getting together. So please, whatever you're struggling with, if you're feeling this way, like you feel like a burden.

[00:37:55] When you said that, it just like a wave just hit me like, yes, that is exactly how I feel. Yeah. I feel like a burden at work. All my management are like my age and I'm just a server. You know what I mean? And when I was like super cool. Okay. And I've like literally dreamed four times that we were like full. Like bosom buddy friends. You know what I mean? And then my dumb ass said it to her. Mm-hmm. And a one-on-one about how I was doing. And I'm just like crying. And she's like, well, that's what I can talk to. Yeah.

[00:38:24] And I was like, I'm just trying to not cross that line. Mm-hmm. And she's like, yeah, but we can like talk and like call them like, no, Aaron, because if I do that, like, I feel that like I have dreamed this. Mm-hmm. Like we're actually, I won't be able to cross like that. The boundary will not be there. Right. You know what I mean? So it's like, and then I feel like a burden for not like being able to just relax and communicate with my management team. It's just like people. Mm-hmm. And like get out of that mindset.

[00:38:51] It's like a burden with my husband and my kids and my mom and just everyone. I feel like a burden. Yeah. So if you're feeling like a burden. You're not one. You're not one. Call a talk about it. It's a good way to vent. It's a good way to. And feelings. That's what therapy is. Let's do my therapist's favorite line. Feelings are not facts, you guys. They're just not. False. What is it? What is it? A false. No, that's fear. Well, fear too. I'm sometimes led by fear too. A fear of failing. A fear of not enough. All those things.

[00:39:21] All of that baggage that we carry with us. Right? Sometimes it was told to us. Sometimes it was handed to us. But some of the baggage, you guys, it's not real. It's not real. Because I think where we feel like, sometimes we feel like a burden. We're actually a gift to someone and something. And it's purposeful. So hang in there. On the website, edudocheckyourbags.com.

[00:39:50] There is a, leave us a voicemail. If you want to drop a comment, if you're feeling any type of way, reach out. We will definitely respond. As always. We're on, if you want to email us, abaggagetrainpodcast at gmail.com. But that's where you can find us. And find me on Fortnite, that.momrad. Oh, nice. At some point, we might even be on that, what is it? Stitch? Yeah. Is that what it's called? With the threads?

[00:40:20] No, they like game and like. Oh, Twitch. Twitch. That's what it is. Oh my God. I'm a senior citizen. We might be on that young person. That young person. Also, listeners, if there is a place, I'm feeling like my world news and news for here is being censored a little bit. I'm always looking for great resources, reputable information. If any of you guys know where to find it, yeah, drop it in the comment. Otherwise, maybe you look at Breakthrough News. Of course.

[00:40:50] People's Forum. Midas, right? Maybe. Yeah. Midas has some good things. Yeah. Their whole variety of like people's, people liberation type. Yeah. Also, PBS News. They're trying to get rid of it, but they do a live every night at five o'clock. Democracy Now. It actually gives you like legitimate information. So we can check that. I know people are tired of politics. I know people are feeling a little overwhelmed, a little.

[00:41:20] It's intentional what they're doing. They're trying to overwhelm and over simulate you with information. Just remember that you're a good person. Lean on your neighbors. They may not be your enemy. And yeah, let's keep it cool. Let's keep it classy. The never classist. There it is. Back again. Until next time, you guys. Thanks so much for listening. And we're out. Bye. Bye. Bye.

[00:41:52] Bye. Bye. Bye.